Confessions

of a mom who's trying hard, and thinks she's doing the right thing, but still feels guilty...
Today I sent Caeden out the door with uncombed hair (believe me, it wasn't pretty) and no breakfast. I'm trying to let the boys experience some of the consequences of standing around staring at me with those "deer in the headlights" eyes for half the morning instead of getting ready for school. Caeden actually sat on a chair for 5 or 10 minutes this morning in his pajamas holding a lunchbox. And, even though I knew it meant "Ok, mom, I'm up and ready for breakfast, will you please fix me a bowl of instant oatmeal - 2 packets consisting of one strawberry flavor and one banana flavor - with a cup of milk, and maybe a piece of toast - I'd like both honey and cinnamon/sugar, but I know that you won't let me have both, so maybe just honey - and while you're at it, I'd really appreciate if you could fix a cold lunch for me because Zach has one and I love my brother Zach and want to be just like him, but I don't want ham and cheese like Zach, I want pb&j (actually 2 of them) and a soda, but I'm afraid to ask for that because I know how you feel about soda for lunch, but I'd really like it, too, and a granola bar, and by the way I have no idea where my shoes are...," I am trying to get him to vocalize it. Because some mornings I don't always know, and I'm getting tired of my sons getting mad at me because I haven't read their minds. So I ask, "Caeden, do you want some help?" And he answers with a grunt and tosses the lunchbox my way. I remind him of what needs to be done, and even send reminders down the stairs to hurry him along the way. But he still just couldn't get his body moving. By the time he got dressed and found his shoes, I had his lunch ready. And I looked at the clock, and it was time to run. We heard the bus pulling away, and if he ran, he could just make it. No breakfast, no combed hair, but he made the bus. I love my kids, but I hate being an "on-demand" taxi driver, and when you're out of bed an 45 minutes before the bus comes, there's really no excuse. But maybe I should have pinned a note to his shirt saying "Please excuse my appearance, but my mom is trying to teach me a lesson today."